The Writings and Ramblings of R. M. S. Thornton
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The Heart Swindlers: How Simon Leviev and Anna Delvey Romantic Comedy Film Could Work
Beginning around the early 90’s, the romantic comedy film genre (otherwise known as “rom-coms”) were all the rave. Feel good, lighthearted movies, they were guilty pleasures of many women, and, if we’re being honest, quite a few men. But somewhere around the mid to late 2000’s, the genre plummeted faster than a hang glider carrying a body positivity activist. It’s too bad because there were quite a few solid rom-coms flicks.
There were some classics, such as, When Harry Met Sally and Pretty Woman to My Best Friend’s Wedding and You’ve Got Mail. Though I suspect a number of people would characterize these as being “chick flicks,” I have to admit that I do enjoy the previously mentioned films. Hell, I’ll even admit that I still get a few chuckles whenever I watch How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. Even the Adam Sandler varieties are quite enjoyable, as The Wedding Singer and 50 First Dates are both humorous and tug at the heart strings.
Yet, eventually
the genre became oversaturated with cinematic garbage. Despite having a big
name cast, Failure To Launch…well…failed
to launch, crashing harder at the box office than the Hindenburg. Runaway Bride attempted to recapture the magic of Pretty Woman by essentially taking the
main cast from the latter to recycle into the former. However, it’s so bad that
I would guess that the gerbil Richard Gere shoved in his ass would rather
remain in that anal crevice than be forced to watch that film. American
audiences paid almost less attention to From Justin to Kelly than Disney and
the NBA do to CPP's Uyghur genocide. And who can forget All About Steve, a movie more cringeworthy than a postmodern
feminist’s TikTok page.
Nevertheless,
romantic comedies have made a resurgence in recent years, as a new generation
of actors have taken up the mantle. Thus, now is as good a time as any to pitch
a new entry to the genre—something that is bound to entice audiences. My idea
is to make a romantic comedy centered around the unique personas of Simon
Liviev and Anna Delvey, two like minds recently catapulted into prominence by
the Netflix programs The Tinder Swindler and
Creating Anna, respectively.
Simon Liviev, real name Shimon Yehuda Hayut,
is an Israeli national and con artist who found women on Tinder, then preceded
to scam the ever-living hell out of them.
He did this by introducing them to a life of luxury—flying them in
private jets, taking them to lavish dinners, staying with them in fancy
resorts, etc. However, it was all a façade, as Simon would pay for his
extravagant lifestyle through what was essentially a Ponzi scheme. He would
lure these women in, date them for a while, then start begging for cash to pay
for other dates. Simon did this by claiming he was in some kind of fix, such as
his life being in danger, and claiming he needed cash immediately.
Anna Delvey, real
name Anna Sorokin, had a similar upbringing to her counterpart. Like him, she
came from modest means, her parents emigrating from Russia to Germany
immediately following the Soviet Union’s collapse. Yet, Anna possessed a
remarkable ability to portray herself as something she wasn’t. Arriving in
America, Anna quickly ingratiated herself within the New York City high society
scene by claiming to be the heiress of a vast German family’s fortune. Her
guise was so believable that Anna was not only able to rub shoulders with the
city’s elite, but con them out of large sums of money. Similar to Simon, she
funded her luxurious appetite by convincing her friends to “temporary” spot her
cash.
So, the question is—how would a romantic comedy depicting these two charlatans work? Well, I have one idea for a film that if made, would explode at the box office more violently than Jeffery Toobin on a work call.
The Plot
The way I would
set up this movie up is something akin to How
to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. In that film, Matthew McConaughey is secretly
trying to prove he can make any women fall in love with him in under two weeks
in order to win an advertising pitch. The woman who is chosen is Kate Hudson,
who is conversely writing an article on how to drive a man away in ten days or
less, with McConaughey being her mark. Hence, both characters have secret
agendas unbeknownst to one another until the movie’s climax. This blueprint
works well here as you have two people attempting to con one another as a means
to fund their respective lavish lifestyles, yet unaware of their partner’s true
motives.
The other
essential aspect of any rom-com is the character’s friends. Usually the female
protagonist has one or two close friends, each with distinct personality quirks.
If there are two friends, one is usually the hopeless romantic while the other
is the designated slut. There also sometimes exists the unfiltered gay friend,
who makes very poignant and often rude comments, yet whose brutal observations are
many times correct.
On
the other hand, the male character’s friends are usually a bit blander, as they
usually serve merely as outlets for the protagonist to express his feelings,
too. For the record, this is an issue I have with the rom-com franchise. No man
I know of ever talks about their feelings or romantic relationships while
playing basketball or poker. They may occasionally swap sex stories, but they
won’t go deep into their long-term relationships, at least in those settings.
But I digress.
So,
for the fun of it, I’ll just make it that Simon’s best friend is his bodyguard.
For those of you who watched Tinder
Swindler, he was that big, brooding, behemoth who Simon always claimed was
attacked before conning his marks out of cash. Because it’s a rom-com, I’ll
make him an ironic character—the large muscular man with a deep voice and
Eastern European accent who is actually a clear-eyed romantic. I can’t think of
any particular role for Avi, his business partner. He can just be like one
McConaughey’s friends from How to Lose a
Guy in 10 Days-- just make the occasional comment and shocked expression
every time some slightly significant event occurs.
The
movie would start out the same way all romantic comedies do—introducing the
main characters. Begin with a segment of Simon out on a first date with some
chick he just met on Tinder. It’s a luxurious restaurant with incredible food
and magnificent décor. Throughout the date however, Simon consistently has to
leave the table to take “business calls”. In reality, he is texting with
another girl, a previous date he is trying to scam money out of in order to pay
for this meal. The bill eventually arrives, and Simon is terrified he won’t be
able to pay, thus unraveling this new scheme before it can get off the ground.
But at the last second, he receives a notification that $50,000 has been wired
to his account. Phew, that was a close call!
We
then meet Anna, who is on her way to some major New York financial institution.
She has a meeting with several executives in order to try to acquire a line of
credit. This scene would be important in demonstrating Anna’s intelligence and
charisma, as she’s able to obtain a line of credit amounting to $2,000,000. She
then joins her friends for a nice lunch at an exclusive country club outside
the city, where she somehow convinces several boomer men who just finished a
round of golf to pay for their meal.
The
next day, Simon decides to take a last minute trip to NYC with his friends.
While traveling in Simon’s private jet, his bodyguard says to him,
“Boss,
have you ever thought that maybe it’s time to settle down?”
“What
do you mean settle down?” Simon replies.
“You
know, find a girl you actually like and start a family with her. Live happily
ever after.”
“Why
would I ever do that? I’m in the prime of my life. I got the perfect thing
going: girls, money, expensive vacations. I’m living the life.”
His
bodyguard sighs.
“I
don’t know, I just feel there is more to life than all this. I mean, what’s the
point of money, cars, and fancy dinners if you can’t share it with someone
special; someone you really care about, you know?”
“To
each his own,” Simon retorts, as he leans back, putting in his headphones and
closing his eyes.
Now
we get to the next essential rom-com juncture and that is the meeting. Simon
arrives in New York, and upon checking into his high roller suite at whatever
obscenely lavish hotel he’s chosen, Simon scrolls through Tinder and eventually
lands on Anna’s page. His eyes light up when he reads her profile, discovering
she is from an affluent German family. At that same time, Anna is also perusing
Tinder, hoping to find a rich man she can woo into investing in her. She gets
excited when she finds Simon, whose pictures portray the uber-wealthy man she’s
been searching for. The two immediately swipe right on each other and get to
talking.
The
two then go on their first date. Though this should have been like any other
date for Simon, he soon finds himself impressed by Anna. He’s never met a girl
so confident, direct and charismatic. Likewise, Anna is intrigued by Simon’s
mysteriousness. Simon then offers to take Anna on a trip to the Bahamas. They
immediately go to his private jet, where they take off take off and stay at
some swanky hotel for a few days.
Anna
arrives back home and meets up with her friends, recounting her experience.
“Oh,
my God!” exclaims her hopeless romantic friend, “That’s so sweet! Why can’t I
find a man like that? Just for once I would like to fall for a guy who treats
me like I’m his one and everything.”
“Girl,
you got to lock that shit down,” counsels her token gay friend. “Men like that
have short attention spans and quickly like to move on. My advice— get yourself
pregnant, so then he has to stick with you. Trust me, you’ll thank me later.”
“Who
cares about all that?!”
Her slutty friend
chimes in, “What’s important is did you get any? How big was his penis? Is he
one of those rich guys who compensates for small genitals with fancy stuff or
is he packing a magnum under those Gucci pants?”
Anna
and her friends stare at their slutty comrade.
“What?!”
She defends herself, “Can’t a girl have a little fun?”
Simon
and Anna go on several more dates. And though they don’t want to admit it, they
start falling for one another. Simon’s observant bodyguard begins to notice
this.
“Simon,
if you don’t mind me asking, why haven’t you pulled the scam on her yet?
Normally, you would have done that by now.”
“I’m
just waiting for the right time. This is a tough girl to crack.”
“Ahh,
I see. So, you are starting to like this girl, aren’t you?”
“What?!
Me?! No….this is all strictly business. I have no personal attachment
whatsoever.”
The
bodyguard gives off a slight smile, knowing full well what’s really going on.
We’ve
now arrived to the next rom-com stage—the breakup. Torn between his feelings
for Anna and that fact that he desperately needs cash, Simon decides to enact
the next phase of his scam. He texts Anna one night saying that he is trouble.
Men want to hurt him and he needs money immediately. To his surprise, Simon
doesn’t receive the typical concerned text. Rather, Anna asks him for money and
says she will wire payment for his problems once he gives her cash. Simon is
confused.
The
two keep going back and forth, trying to gain money and account information
from one another. Eventually, a stalemate ensures. This is when both characters
decide to look into each other’s backgrounds and M.O.’s, and realize that they
are both con artists.
They
then confront each other at some high-end, New York public function. (These
fights always MUST take place in front of large crowds). They accuse each other
of being frauds. Eventually, a tearful Anna runs out and takes a cab home, as a
distraught Simon watches her drive off.
A
month later, a dejected Simon is sitting on his hotel couch watching TV. His
bodyguard picks up the remote and shuts it off.
“Boss,
you need to get out. You’ve been moping in here for weeks. This isn’t healthy.”
Simon
ignores him, still staring at the black screen.
“Sir,”
the bodyguard says, “I’ve been with you for many years through numerous scams.
I know you well and I can tell you, I know you aren’t sad because this scheme
went array. It is because you realized, for the first time in your life, you
found something more important than hotels, cars, private planes and fancy
meals. You found love.”
Tears
start to run down Simon’s cheeks.
“And
let me tell you,” he continues, “no amount of money can ever fill that gaping
hole inside you. The only thing that can is that special someone.”
Simon
shoots up.
“You’re
right,” he says. “Get the car!”
“Where
are we going, sir?”
Simon
turns to his friend.
“We’re
going to get the girl.”
The
bodyguard excitedly pumps his first.
“I
get the car.”
Now,
we’re at the final climatic scene—the rekindling. Simon calls up Anna’s friend
and discovers she’s about to flee the United States. Simon and his bodyguard
swerve through NYC traffic, eventually spotting her cab and forcing it off the
road. Anna then gets out of the car, and
begins screaming.
“What
the hell are you doing?! Are you trying to get me killed?!”
“Anna,
listen. All my life, I’ve been pretending to be something I’ve not. I thought
that if I could be something else, I could have the life I never had. I believe
that I could make myself happy with expensive clothes and vacations. And for a
while, I did. But I soon realized that this gaping void remained inside of me,
and it was only until I met you that I realized what I needed—it was you.”
Tears
begin falls down Anna’s cheeks.
“So,
you run me off the road just to tell me that?”
“No,
I came here to tell you that you swindled me. Not out of my money or my
possessions. You swindled my heart.”
The
cab driver honks.
“Hey,
lady! You comin’ or what?!”
A
tearful Anna stares at Simon for a few seconds, then rushes up to him. The two
embrace while everyone in the preceding traffic jam begins to clap.
And
that’s it. That’s the movie. There could even be a sequel in which Anna and
Simon go on a double date with Billy McFarland and Elizabeth. But that’s a
story for another time. Hope you enjoyed.
© Copyright 2022
by R. M. S. Thornton
Tuesday, November 16, 2021
I Updated My Book!