Wednesday, May 2, 2018

Smokeshow Inferno



“The only excuse for making a useless thing is that one admires it intensely.” -Oscar Wilde

            “What a piece of shit,” he thought, as he removed the book from its display. He’d stumbled upon it by accident as he was strolling through the bookstore. Claudio hated books. The only ones he’d ever read were in school, where they were forced upon him. But even then, he would at most read a chapter or two before he inevitably turned to summaries posted on Sparks Notes or Wikipedia.  This novel in particular though was the one he despised above all the others; it was long, tedious, and almost incomprehensible.
            Claudio shuffled the pages of Homer’s The Odyssey. He thought back to when it had first been assigned to him. It was his sophomore year of college and he was required to take some humanities courses as prerequisites for his degrees. He chose a class on classical literature, assuming it would be a breeze. It was a one-hundred level course, after all. However, Claudio soon discovered this was not the case. The class was not only difficult, but was instructed by an overzealous lecturer, Professor Byron Xavier Karras, who, every Tuesday and Thursday afternoon of that fall semester, forced Claudio to share in his odd fixation with useless prose, spending two grueling hours expatiating his lust in a manner which could only be described as prudent fanaticism. Claudio thought Karras was a pretentious dingbat, a man whose obsession with the scholastic was most likely the result of multidimensional insecurities. It probably began at childhood, he surmised—a complete inability to connect with others on a social or romantic level, which caused him to dedicate his life to the pointless study of archaic works that offer nothing in terms practical skills necessary for survival, self-improvement, or the general advancement of society.
            As he was flipping through the manuscript, something caught his eye. He was at the part in which Odysseus and his crew encounters the Sirens, beautiful winged women who resided on an island of jagged rocks from which they would sing melodies so enchanting that spellbound sailors would crash their ships into the atoll, perishing under the sweet sounds of the temptresses’ harmonies. Claudio did not remember much about this epic narrative, as, during most lectures, he was either on his phone or enthralled within his own thoughts. However, for some unknown reason, the instructor’s sermon resonated deeply that day.
            Professor Karras, in his usual eccentric manner, flung his back against the desk and pretended to be bound, furiously struggling to free himself from invisible ropes. This was his attempt at imitating the scene on Odysseus’ vessel. The King ordered his men to clog their ears with beeswax while he was tied against the ship’s mast, for he alone wanted to experience the intoxicating sounds of those alluring, yet ominous creatures,. Upon hearing their songs, Odysseus lost all control and did everything in his power to unbind himself. He wanted to jump overboard, to swim to them, to be with them forever. The fact that death would certainly follow, that he would never again lay eyes on his home of Ithica, or his wife and son, was immaterial. Odysseus’ intellect and rationality had been conquered by unquenchable desires.
            The saucy Karras then gave his analysis on the spectacle’s deeper meaner. Claudio knew that like a priest following the reading of a Bible passage, English teachers from middle school to the university level relished the moments when they could give their subjective interpretations of text, thus showing off their intelligence. But this wasn’t the usual braggart diatribe. This was different. Karras’s inferences actually made sense. Claudio replayed the lecture in his mind as he sat waiting for his friends.
            The professor began his lecture with a discussion of the human brain—one of the most powerful, yet mysterious instruments known to any biological organism. “The human mind,” he said, “was capable not only of contemplating complex theories, establishing moral principles as well as the rule of law, and conceiving marvelous inventions, but also of generating self-consciousness, i.e. awareness of our positions within nature and the greater cosmos. This advanced cognition was what made mankind masters of the Earth, unique amongst any other species which has ever traversed this planet. Yet the human brain is a duality, a contradiction if you will. Sure, our brains may be capable of higher thinking and some forms of self-restraint. But in the end, no matter how advanced and intelligent we become, our old mammalian cortex, the ancient part of the brain which fabricates such feelings as lust, passion, jealousy and hatred, will always, in some shape or form, supersede our sophisticated,  analytical abilities.”
“Hence,” he continued, “the notion that we possess free will is, in many respects, a myth, as even the most virtuous and lucid among us succumb to primal urges, longings which originate in the ancient portion of our brain’s and often fly against our own self-interests. For what is desire? It is power, the power to make people do what they otherwise might not. And that is what we are witnessing here—King Odysseus, a man of immense authority, prestige and respect, has capitulated to his impulses. His subconscious brain’s longing of pleasure has completely cut off his rationality and reason. This internal struggle between Odysseus’s primordial desires, and his rationality represents something which holds much relevance to our lives today. It is an unfortunate reality that we live in a day and age where the societal norm is to seek never-ending stimulation, being constantly bombarded with images, messages, advertisements, videos, etc.  We have reached a point where functionality and merriment have become intertwined with connectivity. And what has been the end result? I’ll tell you—capitulation. But now, objects, which normally would be banal or almost meaningless, have become an essential part of our existence, thereby giving these contraptions enormous power over us. In other words, those inanimate objects which give us some measure of pleasure, now dominate our existence. We are slaves to our desires, now more than ever.”
“What’s up, bro!” Claudio heard the familiar voice exclaim as he felt a firm slap on his back.
He lifted his eyes and looked at Julius.
“What are you doing!?” asked Julius. “You reading!? Man, I didn’t even know you knew how to read!”
“Oh, go to hell!” Claudio snapped back.
He flung the book back on the table.
“Where’s Mark?” Claudio asked.
“He said he was coming. I guess he got out of work a little late.”
“I don’t know why he wanted to meet at a book store,” Claudio groaned. “It’s not like we’re gonna pregame here or anything.”
“I don’t know, man.” Julius replied. “I think he just likes scoping out babes here. It’s not a bad idea if you ask me. Chicks are always expecting attention from all direction at the bars, and they are too focused at the gyms. But here, it’s perfect. They’re off their guard and there ain’t nothing here interesting enough to grab their attention for too long.”
“Sorry I’m late, fellas.” Mark said as he strolled up to them.
“Bout time, son,” Julius remarked as he embraced Mark. “I caught Claudio here getting a hard on reading some classic lit.”
“Go to hell!” Claudio shot back.
Claudio turned towards Mark.
“So what’s the plan tonight?”
Mark pulled his phone out of his pocket and glanced at it.
“I was thinking we’d stop by Hounds, get some food and a few drinks, then head to Scottsdale.”
“Alright,” Claudio said, “but let’s try to get there at a reasonable hour this time. I don’t want to show up at the clubs past eleven and have to wait for hours in line.”
Mark remained transfixed on his phone, his thumb slowly sliding against the screen as if he was softly petting some small rodent.
Julius leaned his head forward and glanced at his friend’s device.
“Bro, what are you looking at?”
Mark’s eyes remained fixed on the screen.
“Dude, you guys got to check this chick out,” he said.
            His friends sauntered over to either side of him and looked at his screen
            Claudio’s mouth dropped. Mark had his Instagram open, and there, situated on the screen, was an image of a young woman clad in nothing but a pint-sized, scarlet, bikini. She was leaning back on her elbows against a stone balcony, peering back into the camera with a lustful look, as if she was trying to seduce them through the phone. Behind her were tall cliffs covered with thick, green, shrubbery, along with an ocean which shimmered like a sapphire ornament under a cloudless sky.
            Claudio was normally accustomed to these types of photos. Almost every decently attractive women he knew from college and who was under the age of 24 used their social media platforms to post risqué, quasi-sexual impressions of themselves, as if they were displaying their talents at some sort of modeling combine. But this girl was different. She was perfect—perfect in every way.
            Her skin, fair and succulent with an olive tone, radiated under the sun’s rays. She had long, dark, wavy hair which, despite its dusky brown hue, somehow appeared to sparkle. Her body was magnificent and unparalleled by any other Claudio had ever laid eyes upon. She was perfectly portioned; her torso and appendages were toned, but not overly muscular as to attack his visceral sense. Her breasts were perky, just the ideal size for her body type and her hips, which were wide and voluptuous. 
But the best thing about her was her face. It was flawless: not too wide, not too narrow, but perfectly symmetrical. She possessed thin lips and an elegantly shaped nose. But what caught Claudio’s attention most were her eyes, which were wide and rested beneath a set of narrow eyebrows. Claudio gazed deeply into them, hypnotized by their splendor. They were a dark, misty green, like a dense forest after a heavy rain.
Never had Claudio encountered anything so beautiful, so alluring. He remained transfixed, lost in his own fantasy. It was as if everything, his friends, the bookstore, the other patrons, disappeared into the void along with the constraints of time and reality. It was as if it was just him and her, standing there, gazing into each other’s eyes as he slowly approached her, reaching out his hand and gently massaging his fingers down her silky, luxurious form. He seized her waist with both hands and pulled her in, their gazes never breaking as she clutched his shoulders. He could smell her sweet aroma, which playfully assaulted his senses.
It was like nothing Claudio had ever experienced—an ecstasy so profound that it overwhelmed his entire being. His sensations were magnified, stimulated in a manner beyond comprehension, yet he felt at ease. It was a strange coupling of inflamed passions and tranquil ambivalence, which drew together like two, opposing, magnetic charges. He pulled her in closer, their bodies pressed against each other as if they were about to melt and combine into some new entity. 
Claudio heard a loud crack. He shook his head. Julius’ large hand was situated in front of his face, snapping his fingers.
“Hey, bro, you still there!?” he exclaimed.
Claudio shook his head. He was slightly dazed as if he’d been suddenly awoken from a deep slumber.
“Yeah, I’m good.”
Mark scrolled though some of her other photos.
“Damn, dog!” Julius remarked. “Who is this chick? She a dime!”
“Her name is Cathy Agrippa.” Mark replied. “Apparently, she’s a sophomore at Arizona Tech. Her profile says she’s only 19!”
“Only 19!” Julius bellowed. “Shit, son, I might need to re-up at Tech. Tell them I’m looking into getting a second degree. Sociology or some shit like that.”
Mark closed out the app and shoved his phone back in his pocket.
“Shall we go?” He inquired.
“Yeah, man.” Julius responded. “I’ll get us an Uber.”
The trio headed down to Hounds, a somewhat rundown watering hole located near the outskirts of downtown Tempe. They ate, had a few drinks along with a shot of this horrid substance called Fireball, then headed off to Old Town Scottsdale.
It was a fairly routine Saturday night. They arrived at Old Town around 11 pm, greeted by the flashy lights and loud music coming from the various clubs that bordered the main street on either side, while hordes of people traversed between them. It was as if the clubs themselves were a group of suitors, lined up on opposite sides, attempting to woo potential mates to their inner worlds by utilizing extravagant appearances and ostentatious displays of grandeur. Each one offered its own version of some alternate reality based on a particular theme or culture. It was as if the moment you entered their portals you were magically transported to an exotic new world, a divergent dimension oozing in decadence and lust, free from the habitual stresses, anxieties, and pains which plagued our miserable existence—a zone where hedonism and overindulgence are not frowned upon, but encouraged as an essential element of the human condition. Lines into these establishments could stretch for hundreds of yards, making it seem as if those clamoring to enter were awaiting passage through the Pearly Gates, upon which they would enter a sybaritic paradise.
But like all things that professed a utopian reality, it was a farce, an illusion. You could wait sometimes for over an hour, watching as “VIPs” and harems of scantily clad females entered ahead of everyone else, as if they had, in a previous life, were blessed with indulgences from designated holy men. Once inside, the “heaven” that awaited them was nothing more than an expensive, overcrowded, disgusting, stench-ridden purgatory. They were so packed in that it was impossible to move about, much like cows stuffed into a cattle car. And then there was the music, which was so obnoxiously deafening that you couldn’t hear yourself thinking, let alone anyone else.  The only way to mitigate such an abysmal state was to drown it out through alcohol. The problem is that even if you managed the absurd and laborious task of somehow reaching the bar and getting a bartender’s attention, it cost what would be a month’s salary in many, less fortunate nations.
But like many before them, Claudio, Julius and Mark endured this agony in hopes that their suffering would eventually lead to something more: a fun time, cherished memories, and most sought after, the company of a young, beautiful, hopefully somewhat amoral, woman. On any other occasion, Claudio would’ve been on the prowl—conducting incursions with his friends into female entourages, attempting to entice them with offers of free drinks, using primitive lingo in an attempt to convey a sort of aloofness, a lack of emotional depth which is oddly alluring to younger members of the opposite sex.
But tonight was different. Claudio couldn’t focus. No matter how much he drank or how many women crossed his path, his mind was fixated on one thing, Cathy Agrippa. No other girl he saw that night even slightly compared. Her image had somehow latched itself onto to his mind as she was present in every thought and emotion Claudio had that night.
He kept removing his phone and glancing through at her photos.
“How could anything so perfect actually exist?” He wondered.
It was like God, in a great display of his infinite power, had constructed something so extraordinary and flawless that even the most ardent atheist would have to admit that some sort of divine entity had been responsible. 
Claudio was spellbound, his conscious engrossed within a prison of his own desires and obsessions. There was a loud chime. Claudio looked up. It was already last call. He had only been looking at his phone for what he thought was only a few moments, yet several hours had passed.
Claudio scanned the bar, finding Julius and Mark drunkenly chatting up several inebriated members of a bachelorette party. 
Claudio approached them. When he was within several feet of them, Julius turned and saw him. Julius stumbled over to Claudio and flung his arm around his neck.
“Bro!” he shouted. “Where the fuck you been!?”
“Just been checking out the scene.”  Claudio replied, listlessly.
“Shit, son!” he remarked. “We’ve been talking up these hunies for the last hour! They’re here for the weekend, visiting from Monterey. We’re trying to see if we can convince them to invite us back to their hotel room. You game!?”
“I’m actually kind of tired,” Claudio responded. “I think I’m just gonna go home.”
“Your loss, bro!”
Julius turned towards the others.
“What say you, ladies!? We keeping this party going or what!?”
Claudio strolled off before he could hear their reply. He walked outside. Two in the morning in Scottsdale was quite a sight to see. It was like watching a zombie movie as heaps of intoxicated, semi-conscious lifeforms attempted to gather themselves up and either go home (or someone else’s home) or to acquire a late night snack.   
Claudio walked to a more remote area of the street, summoned an Uber, and left.
He arrived at his condominium at around half past the hour. Claudio lay on his couch, nestling the back of his head against the small pillow near the arm, then took out his phone. He opened the app and went to Cathy’s account.
She had posted a new photo within the last 30 minutes. She was wearing a tight, red dress which went down to her mid-thighs. Her long hair draped over her shoulders. The photo was taken from an angle and her head was slightly tilted towards the camera, her eyes peering out towards him. He stared deeply into them as if they were the world’s most precious gems.
He suddenly pushed the phone away. Claudio shook his head and began blinking. He glanced back at the image then turned away again. He could have sworn...did he just? He looked back at the phone.
“No,” he thought to himself, “that wasn’t possible.”
 Claudio observed the image more intensely.
He was just tired. Yeah, that’s all. It had been an exhausting day. There is no way a photo could have winked at him. His eyes were just playing tricks. It was his body’s way of demanding that he get some much needed sleep.
Claudio placed his phone down on the nearby coffee table and closed his eyes. He drifted off. His final thoughts were of her.




© Copyright 2018 by R. M. S. Thornton

Wednesday, April 4, 2018

Terror from the Ocean Depths: Why I Hate Dolphins and the Threat They Pose to Humanity


            There are few things in this world that disgust me more than the television sitcom known as Flipper.  Flipper was a 1960s series about a boy and his trustworthy dolphin pal who go off on magnificent adventures. Basically, it was a recycling of the television show Lassie, except they replaced the dog with a giant fish. The show is also famous for possessing the most aggravating theme song ever conceived in the history of television. To the uneducated and/or unenlightened, Flipper is a cute, spiritual, coming of age show that symbolizes the unique friendship between man and dolphin.  For me, it is a disgusting piece of pro-dolphin propaganda that would even make the editors of the Soviet state run newspaper Pravda cringe.
            I am often asked why I have such a seemingly unnatural hatred of these creatures. Indeed, most Americans are infatuated with beasts. They think they are friendly and beautiful, regardless of the fact that they are slimy and look like they have had a coke bottles surgically attached to their skulls.  But like Galileo, Socrates, Martin Luther, Gary Busey, and other great thinkers of their times, I am an outcast forced to live an agonizing and lonely life. I am cursed with knowing a truth that few will accept—that dolphins suck ass.  However, in order to convince many of you infidels, I feel I must first explain my reasons for despising these satanic monstrosities. I will begin by dispelling some of the false and widely held rumors about dolphins.
1. Dolphins Are Neither Smarter Than nor Just As Smart As Humans
            One of the biggest mistakes I ever made in my teen years was going to the movie A Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. I never read the book so I had no clue what to expect. I knew within the first few minutes that this film was going to suck. The narrator mentioned that “Humans think they are the smartest animals on earth, but they are not. Dolphins are smarter than humans.” I was so angry I almost left theater right there, but after almost hyperventilating I regained control of myself and sat through two hours of what was an absolutely disgusting display of modern cinematography. 
            Despite how pissed I was, I left the movie feeling relieved. I mean, it was fiction right? There is no one actually believes dolphins are smarter than humans. Alas, there are. As unbelievable as it may sound, there are assholes who believe dolphins are either smarter than, or just as smart as, humans. As a Homo Sapien myself, this is probably the most insulting thing I have ever heard. I mean think about it. There are people that actually believe a god damn fish is smarter than you.  Although they are intelligent creatures, as far as I know, dolphins have not discovered math, science, or philosophy.  Dolphins don’t have a system of writing or law. I don’t know of any a dolphin, even a well-trained one that has ever created a work of art or written a novel. Dolphins have not created medicine, hospitals, or vehicles that allow them to traverse land.
            In short, to actually believe that dolphins are even as smart as us is not only degrading to our species, but is just downright stupid. The fact something can jump high, hunt fish, have sex, and hit a ball with its ugly snout does not make it smart. Forrest Gump could do all shit and more. Humans have the highest degree of rational thought and intellect on the planet and with these tools we have succeeded in creating advanced technologies and concepts which have bettered our lives. All dolphins have done is eat, have sex, and entertain little kids and Asian tourists at Sea World.
            Furthermore, dolphins are stupid because they live in water. Millions of years ago, our ancestors lived in the water. However, they soon realized that living in the water sucked. Thus, they decided to live on land where they could soak up the sun, eat fruit, and be awesome. Yet, once we evolved into mammals, some jackasses (the forefathers of dolphins) decided to go back to the water even though they could not breathe in it (and they still can’t! Idiots!). The ancestors of dolphins basically took the plot of the movie Water World and reversed it. This disgraceful action is a mark of shame upon all mammals and thus is the reason why I refuse to recognize them as such. Any animal that chooses to live in the water is a fish and, with the exception of Henry Limpet, they are not entitled to the respect that is befitting of a mammal. Hence, Dolphins are not nearly as smart as humans.
2. Dolphins Are Just As, If Not More, Violent Than Humans
            I once overheard a man say that “humans are the only animals that fights wars and reek mass havoc on this planet. We are the real animals.” My first inclination was to pick up a pair of scissors and serialize this dick so his seed would not further contaminant the human genome.  However, after thinking it over, I realized that such an act would only prove his point. So I did something that all other animals, including “intelligent” jackass dolphins, are incapable of doing. I showed self-restraint.
            Last summer I read a book by biologist Michael Ghiglieri entitled The Dark Side of Man: Tracing the Origins of Male Violence. In it, Ghiglieri traces the origins of male violence by looking at other primates, especially are closest relatives, the chimpanzee. The author notes that contrary to the beliefs of many, wild chimpanzees engage violent, warlike, and even genocidal behavior.  In the wild, chimpanzee enclaves will fight what amount to full scale wars. Groups of male chimps will actually go on raiding expeditions in similar fashions as would a platoon of human soldiers. The author states that larger chimp groups will wage war on weaker ones until every last member of the smaller colony has been eradicated in a manner that makes Jeffery Dahmer look like Mike Brady. One observer, noted Ghiglieri, stated that if chimps were provided guns and knew how to use them, they would definitely use them to kill other chimps.
            What point am I trying to make? MOST ANIMALS ARE VIOLENT! Violence is a part of nature. Animals such as chimps, ants, and even terminates, engage in wars and genocide. Nature is a not a friendly place. Thomas Hobbes was correct when he said that the State of Nature is “solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short.” Dolphins are no exception to this rule. Wild dolphins are actually known to be quite violent. Indeed, male members have been known to commit infanticide (that is the killing of children).
Moreover, besides attacking humans, wild dolphins have been witnessed killing porpoises Dolphins don’t eat porpoises, porpoise don’t threaten to eat dolphins and both species often don’t compete for the same food sources. Thus, it appears as if dolphins kill porpoises because they enjoy it or, as Penn Jillette remarked, “because porpoises are only slightly different from dolphins.” Hence, the mindset of a dolphin is a mix between George Wallace and Ted Bundy.
But that is not all. Dolphins also engage in rape, and not just against each other. They also like to rape humans! I might find a woman attractive, but I am not going to run up to her and start humping like a horny dog for two reasons. One, it is against the law. Two, I see it is morally wrong. There lay the difference between not only us and those despicable fish, but the rest of the animal kingdom.  Although we Homo Sapiens are by no means perfect, we attempt to restrain ourselves. We might still retain the old mammalian side of our brain that tells us to eat, fight, and have sex, but we are capable of rationality, morality, and self-control.  We have enacted laws to prevent murder, rape, and physical assault, and have created police forces and courts to enforce them. Moreover, we often try to teach our children the moral wrongs of committing these acts.
And what about dolphins? Do they have laws? Do they have courts of law? Do they have morals? HELL NO! They are wild animals, and like wild animals they act on impulse. When they want to have sex, they have sex. When they want to kill, they kill. Like a dog, a cat, an elephant, or Paris Hilton, they do what they want when they want without giving any regard to the ethics and consequences of their actions. Yes, humans engage in murder, rape, and genocide. But when a party of dolphins slaughters an innocent group of porpoises, there is neither public dolphin outrage nor a Dolphinberg Trial. Thanks to our war machines, we humans inflict incredible destruction when we fight. But there has not been a great power war since 1945 and crime in the United States has continually decreased since the 1970s.  In other words, while  we are improving, dolphins continue to reign terror accross our oceans. They truly are the “ISIS of the Sea.”
3. The Threat Posed by Dolphins
I love fish. They are healthy, nutritious, a great source of protein, and they taste delicious. Unfortunately, we live in a world where food is scarce. There are 7 billion people on this planet and not enough subsidence to meet all their needs. One of the many things that make humans awesome is that we have a diversity of food sources. Yet, due to the hunger crisis, any threat to a single one of our resources should be taken seriously. The dolphin eats fish and only fish. Moreover, most countries don’t hunt dolphins. Hence, the dolphin is allowed to breed freely and more dolphins equal less fish.  
We can’t just keep letting this go on. The dolphin is a direct threat to our food supply. Every time a dolphin is born, a human child goes without food. Oh, and for you hippies that don’t agree with hunting dolphins remember this; the dolphin does not have an endangered species list. The dolphin does not try to moderate its hunting in order to sustain its food supply. All the dolphin cares about is eating and eating as much as possible. The dolphin must be stopped before humanity starves.
However, dolphins pose another, greater threat. It is widely believed that dolphins are the second smartest animals on the planet. Although dolphins are not nearly as smart as humans, there is the possibility that overtime the dolphin will further develop its mental capabilities. This cannot be allowed. Anyone who has seen Planet of the Apes, Independence Day, Mars Attacks, and Starship Troopers, knows the danger another intelligent race poses. Thus, it is imperative that we act now while the dolphin is still weak and relatively stupid. Allowing the dolphin to remain unmolested is nothing short of appeasement; the same appeasement that allowed the Nazis to rise to power and dominate Europe.
It is a historical fact that most established powers have refused to accommodate rising ones. Sparta crushed Athens when it grew too strong. Rome made the Carthaginians suck it when they threated the Empire’s dominance of the Mediterranean. The British Empire took steps to make sure the Germans did not overtake it before and during WWI. The United States took all measures necessary to contain the menace of the Soviet Union then and Pauly Shore’s career. Hence, I propose the United States sponsor a UN Security Council resolution to make dolphin hunting legal worldwide.  Our longstanding alliance with Japan will of great importance in this noble enterprise. Although not as militarily powerful as us, the Japanese are experienced dolphin killers and thus their assistance will be essential in the upcoming anti-dolphin campaigns. This is not to say the dolphin has no use. The U.S. Navy currently uses dolphins to find mines. Thus, some dolphins can be used to our advantage. However, we should not allow them to become too smart or they will turn on us like the Terminators did. The last thing we need is radical dolphin Jihadists attacking our sea-lanes.
It is vital that public support be attained for our great crusade. Unfortunately, much of humanity has a weird affinity for dolphins. We must change that perception with a public relations campaign. We can start by demanding that the Miami Dolphins change their name because it is offensive to fish. Instead, they can be the Miami Kangaroos or Catapillars. Also, we can remake the show Flipper, but instead of the dolphin being a lovable best friend, it can be an alcoholic child molester. We can rehash the film Jaws to contain a killer dolphin instead of a shark. Picture it, the town of Amity is plagued yet again, only this time by a giant communist dolphin.  For Scream 5 we can have the murderer be dolphin. Sidney Prescott is back and is being stocked by the deadliest killer yet. After 15 gruesome murders it can be revealed that all killers, from Scream 1 through 5, have actually been dolphins disguised as humans! DUNT DUNT DUH!
4. Conclusion
The point of the essay has been to enlighten you, the reader, about a real inconvenient truth. The dolphin poses a threat to humanity and he must be stopped. Although the dolphin appears friendly and loving, it is in actuality a sick and twisted creature. We must not allow these parasites to control our oceans. To do so would pose a threat to our food supply. Furthermore, it would put our commerce at risk, which is still done primarily through sea lanes. We can’t allow another dominate species to emerge. There is only room for one intelligent life form on this planet and that is us. Although we can use some dolphins to our benefit, we must not hesitate to take decisive action when the time comes. LONG LIVE THE HUMAN RACE!!!!!
© Copyright 2013 by R. M. S. Thornton